Braided Free Write (10/27/08):I Miss You More Than I Thought I Did

Gladness struggles to survive
in this world that no longer
welcomes it at family reunions
and birthday parties.
Resentment is invited instead.
Family conversations made me glad,
but that was a long time ago, before
the mess and the yelling and the screaming
that now we can’t talk without.

It was back when sweet chicks
never spoke bad about anyone,
when they never said mean things
or swore. But now people just say
good girls are bad girls that don’t
get caught. I guess.

When the light begins to show
only in the corners, the sky is
a fading needlepoint of stars,
a tapestry that gets taken away
every morning so we can learn
to appreciate it before the next.
I doubt anyone pays attention
to it anymore though.

They made me glad back when
the man in the yellow hat
used to be my friend.
We used to chat it up
early in the mornings
when he would be on TV.

But then he left. Or I
left. One of us left
the other one and I
have the feeling that
it was me. I would.

Because I stopped wearing
barrettes and ribbons in my hair
and I no longer found a friend
in him or his little monkey
(even though I sneak sometimes).