newest exercise

So there's this thing I've been trying out on my poetry for a little while. I wrote two separate poems on different days, and I decided after reading them both a couple of times that I wanted to put them together. So I waited a while and then alternated the lines. Then, after looking at them again a little while later, I edited. And then today I came across them after not seeing them for a while and edited again (haha my break from studying for my european history final). Yes, they are kind of depressing, as is most of my work, so sorry in advance if you like happy poems.


ORIGINAL TWO:

Learning

To break the spirit you must touch
crush, and then watch carefully
as the soul begins to seep
from the crevices left by that earthquake on Sunday.

Watch as the limbs grow into branches
branching out, but never reaching
Roots travel deeper and deeper
How does it feel to be so stationary?

The eyes will sweep across the room
screaming because the mouth can't.
The arms will bend and twist like torture
when they're trying to get something from you that you don't want to give up.

And then, only then,
when the unteachable learn their lesson,
will a girl flourish in such company.



Again, still.

The corners slept shrouded by the shadows,
their breathing the whispers of the night.
His broken spirit lay wounded
while his too-long legs dangled over
the side of his too-small bed.
No longer did the ghosts of his past haunt him
but the ones of his present stayed the night instead.
Curling up by his closet, they leaned their heads on the wall
and closed their eyes, as if they were asleep.
But their whispers joined the corners'
in a song of guilt and shame.

She had tried reaching for forgiveness,
but it was just too far away.
So she sat on her polka-dot bedspread
and listened to the wind tap on her window.

AND THENNN TOGETHER WITH ALTERNATING LINES

To break the spirit you must touch
the corners that sleep shrouded by the shadows.
Crush, and then watch carefully
as their breaths become the whispers of the night,
as the soul begins to seep,
as his broken spirit lays wounded
from the crevices left by that earthquake on Sunday.
While his too-long legs dangle over
watch as the limbs grow into branches
the side of his too-small bed
branching out, but never reaching.
No longer do the ghosts of his past haunt him
but roots travel deeper and deeper
and the ones of his present stay the night instead.
How does it feel to be so stationary?
Curling up by his closet, they leaned their heads on the wall
The eyes will sweep across the room
and close, as if they were asleep,
screaming because the mouth can't.
But their whispers have joined the corners'
the arms will bend and twist like torture
in a song of guilt and shame.
And they're trying to get something from you that you don't want to give up.

She had tried reaching for forgiveness,
then, and only then,
but it was just too far away.
when the unteachable learn their lesson,
So she sat on her polka-dot bedspread--
will a girl flourish in such company?
--and listened to the wind tap on her window.



THENNN MY MOST RECENT!


Step 1.
To break the spirit you must touch
the corners that sleep shrouded by the shadows.

Step 2.
Crush.

3.
Watch carefully
as their breaths become the whispers of the night,
as the soul begins to seep,
as his broken spirit lies wounded
from the crevices left by that earthquake on Sunday.

Step 4.
While his too-long legs dangle over
watch as the limbs grow into branches
the side of his too-small bed
branching out, but never reaching.

5.
No longer will the ghosts of his past haunt him
but roots travel deeper and deeper
and the ones of his present stay the night instead.

How does it feel to be so stationary?

Step 6.
Curling up by his closet, they will lean their heads on the wall
The eyes will sweep across the room
and close, as if they were asleep,
screaming because the mouth can't.

7.
But their whispers have joined the corners'
the arms will bend and twist like torture
in a song of guilt and shame.
They're trying to get something from you that you don't want to give up.

8.
She will try reaching for forgiveness,
then, and only then,
but it will be too far away.

9.
So when the unteachable learn their lesson,
she will sit on her polka-dot bedspread
and listen to the wind tap on her window.

Will a girl ever flourish in such company?



tell me what you think.
:) keep writing. love, me.

Again, still.

The corners slept shrouded by the shadows,
their breathing the whispers of the night.
His broken spirit lay wounded
while his too-long legs dangled over
the side of his too-small bed.
No longer did the ghosts of his past haunt him
but the ones of his present stayed the night instead.
Curling up by his closet, they leaned their heads on the wall
and closed their eyes, as if they were asleep.
But their whispers joined the corners'
in a song of guilt and shame.

She had tried reaching for forgiveness,
but it was just too far away.
So she sat on her polka-dot bedspread
and listened to the wind tap on her window.